#15 | Posted: 25 Apr 2010 19:12
Really you need to get someone to proofread these, the quality could be improved dramatically simply by adding proper punctuating and editing for proper flow. Out of curiosity, what is your first language?
Other than that, I would say that you really don't need to spell out everything for your audience (As in drugged) your audience is plenty smart enough to fill in the holes, and it's much more fun to read if you can fill in your own specifics, not to mention how much unnecessary exposition cuts into the flow. |