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Batman beyond :The return of Catwoman

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Dread
Member 

#46 | Posted: 10 Sep 2011 17:29
 

It's funny you said that. I have been trying to tell the story from other views and I've been trying to get the story to feel real. The emotional reactions of not just Bruce but every one who is involved in one way or anthoer is something I've been wanting to tell ever sicne I came up with this story. I do have lots of twists and turns coming up hopefully you and the other readers will enjoy them. Hopefully I'll post a little more of the story soon. It's been very busy around my home.
tristra

Member 

#47 | Posted: 11 Sep 2011 10:13
 

your getting the point across, but with each update the story is not progressing except in th sense that the reader knows that time is passing. I am in no way saying take these things out, Quite the opposite.

you need to use these times to tell more, give the characters something to find, some kind of event to give a sense of motion or activity. This is all actions in retrospect and dialogue with nothing happening.

Trust that your reader gets the emotional plight of the character and move on to more solid things or your just going to water down your story till there is nothing there.
Dread
Member 

#48 | Posted: 13 Oct 2011 20:21
 

Sorry for those who are waiting for me to post the next part. A few weeks ago, I came down with a illness and I've been really sick. But I am doing much better now. Unfortunately I am in the process of moving right now and from bad news to worse news, I gave my editor a concussion!! With a freaking flying crate! Smack her right in the head! So, its going a little longer before I can post anymore of the story. Thank you for patience!
tristra

Member 

#49 | Posted: 13 Oct 2011 22:06
 

WOW
Hope she gets well soon.

We'll be waiting.
GreatSage

Member 

#50 | Posted: 15 Oct 2011 15:32
 

These things happen in Threes Dread, I hope that all works out well for you
Dread
Member 

#51 | Posted: 7 Nov 2011 22:17
 

So, looks like things are now getting back to normal....Whatever that word means! Lol Anyway, soon I will post the next part and I would like to know if anyone would like any new art? Thank you for waiting!
tristra

Member 

#52 | Posted: 7 Nov 2011 22:39
 

yes new art would be nice but you can always go back and add illustrations, so don't put yourself out.

we'll be looking forward to the update.
Dread
Member 

#53 | Posted: 12 Nov 2011 23:53
 

April, the doctor that Anthony assigned to Terry, is making her way to the white room in which Terry is now living in. She keeps her eyes straight so she wouldn't see the other doctors looking up at her as she walks by. On some days, she would stop and discuss what they were working on but today she needs to be somewhere else.

April reaches the door which leads into the White room. Walking in April was surprised by what she was looking at. Not only was Terry up, but he was working out. Terry is holding himself up off the ground in an upside down pushup with one hand!

"Wow!" April says with a raised eyebrow, "That's very impressive young miss. I like to work out as well but I'm nowhere near that."

Terry still working out, smiles and says, "I'm surprised that I could do this too! Here I am, doing something I never could have done a few weeks ago and now...I have done like a hundred of these and I'm still going. "

"Well, I'm sorry to say this but it's time for your checkup." Says April as she walks over to the bed.

Terry lets himself drop and lands on his feet and sits on the bed next to the doctor.

"So, how does your body feel after that?" Asks April

Terry had a question bugging him since the first time he meet her, "How much do you know about me and how I got here?"

April is curious as to why Terry would ask that so she answerers as best she could.

"Well, pretty much all I know is that you were created about a month and a half ago but you have the body and mind of a full grown adult." She says

Terry figures that she probably didn't know that, although two months ago he did, in fact not exist as a female cat girl but as a regular man. Anthony must have told all the Doctors working here that he was bread out of a test tube or something. Terry thinks about telling April about whom he really is but Terry doesn't know if the room was bugged or not. If April really is just a doctor Anthony hired to check him over, then if Terry told her the truth and Anthony kills her because she knew something he didn't want her to know he could never forgive himself. For now, he has to play it smart and stay on Anthony's good side and today he would tell him what he wants with him.

"Why did you ask me that? Awe how rude of me! I've never asked you what your name was!" Asks April

Anthony could be listening so instead of his real name, Terry is forced to give the name that Anthony gave him weeks ago.

"I'm called Selene doctor, and I just wanted to know something." Says Terry

"You can call me April honey and you don't have to feel uncomfortable around me. I'm simply here to make sure that you are 100%." Says April seeing that Terry is uncomfortable with something

"May I see your arm please, Selene?' Asks April

Terry lifts up his left arm so that April could take some blood. April pulls out a small needle and starts taking some blood.

"So, why is a nice woman like you working here?" Asks Terry

"Like everyone else here, I have a past that won't allow me to work anywhere else." Says April

"What did you do if you don't mind me asking?" Asks Terry

April takes a deep breath before she gives an answer

"I used to work for the government and they made me work on some difficult things. Some of which no one should ever see. They told me about a special project that they wanted me to be a part of but when I saw what it was, I refused and they kick me out and destroyed my name. It was so hard to find work and when Anthony came to me and told me about you, it gave me new hope."

"What do you mean? "Asks Terry after April took out the needle and put it away

"With you, I have a chance to create instead of destroy. You are the beauty of my work not the horror." Says April

Terry was feeling weird after hearing that. It was as if he was grateful that he could help April.

"Ok now that that's out of the way, now I need you to follow this light with your eyes." April Says

Terry follows the little flash light. The next test that April does is taking Terry's blood pressure, then Terry's reflexes. The last test involves Terry standing up and letting April lightly press her fingers on some parts of his body. Such as his waist, his chest (right here is exactly why Terry is happy that Anthony gave him a female Doctor) and then his throat which is a little difficult with his collar.

After each test April check something off on her computer then moves on.

"Well, it seems like you are without a doubt 100%. "Says April

Even though Terry does not like being in his new body he did like to hear that he was healthy.

"You know it's a shame you can't talk by yourself. Not to say the voice Anthony programmed in the collar isn't pretty but it would be nice to hear your real voice." Says April

"Maybe I could talk Anthony into giving you voice lesions or something. Would you like that or are you happy with the collar." April continues

"Its fine, I guess." Says Terry with a small smile and trying to hide his overall concern

"You look concerned Selene. What's wrong? "Asks Doctor April

"Like you said April, I'm fine." Says Terry

"But are you, fine?" Asks April

"When I woke up this morning my body was aching' and my eyes were..." Says Terry

"Were what?" Asks April

"My eyes were dry and sore like I haven't closed them in days." Says Terry

Terry is scared and April could see it so she pulls Terry in and holds him and Terry starts letting out tears.

"It's ok Selene! I checked you over and there is nothing wrong with you." Says April, "You are a beautiful, very strong girl and there is nothing wrong with you." April continues

"But you do have a little hair problem." Says April with a smile

"I think that's an understatement!" Says Terry with a little giggle

April then lets out a little giggle too. Then both April and Terry starts giggling together. Terry doesn't know why he is so happy but it is good to feel this way....Maybe.

"Oh god!" Says April trying to stop her laughing

"We need to go! Anthony said he wants to speak with you after the tests."Says April

Terry firsts thought is that Anthony was going to tell him what he is planning.

"Lead the way." Says Terry eagerly waiting to be lead to Anthony

Anthony is standing and waiting for Terry in what looks like a much bigger version of the white room Terry is sleeping in but with no bed or little doors. Walking in is April and Terry, they make their way to Anthony but stops waits behind him to say something.

"So how are you my dear?"Asks Anthony over his shoulders

April is confused because she looks at Terry's face and could see that Terry didn't really want to answer Anthony.
Dread
Member 

#54 | Posted: 13 Nov 2011 00:01
 

"She's 100% like you wanted her, Anthony." Says April

Anthony slightly turns his head as if he was expecting her to say something else.

"Well that's good to hear April. That's very good. Now if you don't have any more to tell me, I do need to speck with our little project alone if you will." Says Anthony still over his shoulders

Doctor April looks at Terry and says good bye and then leaves.

Terry knows he will not like what Anthony will say but he needs to know why he was transformed.

"So tell me my dear...." Says Anthony as he turns around to face Terry

"Tell you what?" Asks Terry

"What I should call you my dear." Says Anthony

Terry has to think about it but then he remembers talking with Anthony about his name and what Anthony wants to call him while he is like the way he is. Terry knows he has to give Anthony this one or else he will never get to the bottom of this.

"You can call me...... Selene. Now can you tell me what you want from me?"Asks Terry

Anthony steps a bit closer to Terry then smiles.

"Ok Selene, we want you to retrieve some items for us. Items that is not easy to get to." Says Anthony

"And after you complete this' I will change you back that is the deal."

"So wait, you want me to steal for you!?" Says Terry with a mad and loud tone

"I'm not going to steal anything for you Anthony. You can't make me do anything I will not do." he continues

"Your right Selene, I can't make you do anything against your will." Says Anthony

As he is talking, Anthony starts walking around Terry just looking him over.

"But like I said, after you complete your tasks you will go back to what you were." Says Anthony then stops and stands in front of Terry

"I'm not going to steal anything for you Anthony." Says Terry

But like before Terry couldn't get angry with Anthony regardless of what he says or does. Terry doesn't get it and probably never will.

"I tell you what Selene..." Says Anthony, "If you can't get past my new trial, I will consider giving you what you want."

Terry has to think about it. All he has to do is do another of Anthony's little test. Again Terry has to agree or else Anthony would never change him back.

And if he fails then he might change him back. How hard could it be to fail his new test?

"Ok fine Anthony, what is it this time? "He asks

Anthony then raises his hand and snaps his fingers and bright green lasers switches on.

"These are motion sensors Selene. If you trigger one the floor becomes electrified. All you have to do is' get to the other side of the room."

"That's it? "Asks Terry

Anthony prepares to leave by turning his back to Terry but he stops and adds one more thing.

Anthony snaps his fingers again and the lasers start to move. It was like a mad rave party! There seems to be no pattern to the path of the beams. The only spot that they weren't touching is where Terry and Anthony were standing.

"You have three hours before I get back."Says Anthony

Then the lights went out leaving Terry in the dark. The only thing he could see was the green motion sensors. Like before Terry, could no longer smell Anthony as soon as he left the room. Something was different with Terry this time. The last time Anthony put him in a test like this, he was more than a little scared but this time Terry is smiling. Terry has been secretly missing what he is feeling at this moment. It is like a drug and he loves the way it makes him feel. Before this moment, Terry had no clue what was making him feel like this. Now, he knows that it has something to do with Anthony's training...but what is it?

"Well, I don't have the time to think about it." Terry says as he looks at the lasers with almost animalistic eyes and a smile across his face. He was about to satisfy a craving and, for some reason, loving every second of it...
Dread
Member 

#55 | Posted: 13 Nov 2011 00:10
 

Next up is that art work I talked about earlier and as for the story itself you will find out a bit more about Anthony.
GreatSage

Member 

#56 | Posted: 13 Nov 2011 07:18
 

I doubt Anthony will ever willingly change Selene back into Terry, the best she can hope for is maybe Terri, a cute human girl(although having cat powers might be cool too):).
tristra

Member 

#57 | Posted: 13 Nov 2011 11:26
 

I like this, it actual gives a sense that things are moving again.

However there is a lot of redundancy.
I would suggest let the reader assume things that have already been established and don't state everything explicitly.

This will shorten the work and make it easier to read without loosing anything.

other than that I am curious did Anthony slip when he said if Terry "can't" do the task he'll let her go. if it's not a typo then all she has to do is sit down, if it is a typo it needs fixed.
Dread
Member 

#58 | Posted: 13 Nov 2011 14:18
 

If you can't get past my new trial, I will consider giving you what you want.

No that's not a typo' he really means if he fails then he'll let him go. It's a clue I stuck in there. Glad you liked it and there's more to come.
Dread
Member 

#59 | Posted: 14 Dec 2011 23:49
 

I'm sorry that I'm taking too long with the art that I promise but I hit a little snag. I have finished the cover art and two singles of Anthony and Terry in his Catwoman form but and this is very frustrating to me it's little difficult for me to draw regular things most of the time. I will post the art soon but not until finish the other charters.

If you want to see exactly what I mean with the art check out my deviantart page http://dread23.deviantart.com/
unknown11
Member 

#60 | Posted: 16 Dec 2011 03:34
 

Dread


batman breaking the arm of an innocent security guard? he wouldn't need to and that's horribly out of character. It's also quite out of character for terry to be exploding with need to hurt someone after 3 days of not doing so. These characters are friggin psycotic.
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